I Am Alive!!

Ok so I know you all think I am probably dead or something awful has happened. I promise I am still here. I have been horribly busy with normal life stuff. My husband switched dealerships for work this week, I have been terrible sick with this pregnancy, my boys have been well my boys!!! Anyway it's just been busy. I can't imagine how much busier it's going to get when the baby comes. Oh well at least life won't be boring. I have so many projects to finish before the baby comes. Here is a list of what I want done before then:

cabinet door striped, painted, and reattached to the frames
paint a dinning room table that sitting in my garage
paint the chairs to go with the table
find three more chairs and paint them to go with the table
sand and paint two metal patio chairs
paint two bed side tables
paint picture frames for my living room wall
organize my closet
finish basket decoration for my room
and last but not least if this is a girl repaint and redo the baby room

Ahhhhhhhh someone HELP. I have no idea how I am going to get that all done but if I don't then oh well life goes on. Right? It will right? Just kidding. I just feel like it won't sometimes.

On to a more serious topic. A message was given here last Wenesday night that really his home for me. It was on resting. I have been struggling with that some of late. First let me say, I am really excited about this baby and very happy the Lord saw fit to give us another child. None the less it has created some stress for me also. There have been times when I have been completely calm and said to myself, "the Lord isn't going to give me more then I can handle," and "the Lord will provide." Then there are other times when I think about the fact our only car is a 25 year old three series BMW that will NOT fit another person no matter how we try to fit them all. So that means we need a new car before the baby comes. Also we so far have no medical insurace for this baby. (Side Note: I am not asking for simpathy when I say all that. It's just the realities of what we have to face in the near future) The insurance thing may be changing we are just waiting out a few things with my husbands new job. Anyway when I think about all this I then say to God, "What were you thinking?????" After the message Wenesday night I went home with lots to think about. My husband had stayed home with our youngest that night so when my son and I got home I got him ready for bed and then my husband and I sat down and talked for a while about what I had heard and gotten out of the message. I realized something that night. I say I trust in the Lord, I say I know he won't give me more then I can handle, I say I know he will provide, and at the end of each of those sentences I sat but.... I trust you Lord but why? I know you won't give me more then I can handle but I feel like I am at the breaking point sometimes, I know you will provide my needs Lord but why does it have to be so hard sometimes??? Here's what I realized, if I say I trust you Lord but... then I am not fully trusting as I should be, if I say I know you won't give me more then I can handle but... then I am not trusting or maybe a better way to say it is resting, if I say the Lord will provide but.... then I am not resting in the promises God has given to me. I realized it's all or nothing. Does that mean I am now doing this perfectly everyday. NO, NO, NO, NO. This just means that coming to this realization has helped me to rely, trust, and rest in the Lord more. I still have my days that I struggle, I am human, but I would say that I am trusting more then I was before, I am relying on God more then I was before, I am resting in the Lord more then I was before. And I have to say it's has brought me a lot of peace and rest.

Well I hope all that made since to everyone. I have a hard time getting my more serious thoughts down in a way that makes it sound like what I am feeling or thinking. Hope you all have a good rest of the week.
April