Taking A Good Hard Look Part 3

I am going to lump the rest of the acronym into this part 3.
The O in S T O P is for:
O- Overhaul your mind to a new way of thinking and acting.
Here's what she means by this:
"Break down tasks into the smallest possible pieces.
Go get your math book and bring it to me.”
“Good, now open up to your lesson.”
“Good. What do you need? Do you need a ruler? Go get it and bring it here,” etc.

I broke it down into the smallest possible pieces. This gave her the highest chance of success and gave me the highest chance of being able to praise her before any corrections had to occur. Also, if there was a failure to follow through, I was able to deal with the simple small behavior, and the entire math lesson was not blown."

And most importantly for me she said there were some days she had to LOOK for things to praise her child for because they seemed so few and far between. This is where I have been. I feel like there has been so little to praise but since reading this blog and trying to implement some of it is that I just wasn't looking for things to praise him on, instead I was caught up in how hard life was for me, how busy I was, how tired I was. Now I am LOOKING for reasons to praise my son and laugh with him instead of having way to many I's in my thoughts.

She also had this to say, "Remember that the child is not his or her behavior.This is the key: I had to continually remind myself that even if her behavior were not praiseworthy and excellent, she as a person was excellent and praiseworthy. "
This really smacked me in the face. It was a "light bulb" going on in my head moment. I had defiantly stated to believe my son was his behavior instead all the wonderful characteristics that define my son and who he is.

The P in S T O P is for:
"P-Use the Philippians 4:8 test
Philippians 4:8 says:
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.
You see, of all the tips and tricks in the world, what really made the biggest difference in parenting her was the way *I* spoke, behaved, thought, and treated this daughter of mine.
I am convinced that working diligently to change my heart about her is what made the biggest difference in my home."

I concur with what she says here. The biggest difference in parenting my children was the way I spoke, behaved, though, and treated them.

"If we spend as much time as possible focused on the good aspects of our child and less upon what we perceive to be their flaws or differences, our children will be all the better for it. Once you start seeing them, rightly, as a child of God who is loved just as she is, then his or her behavior will follow suit."


Anyway through this woman's struggles with her difficult child I have better learned how to live with, love, and nurture my "difficult child." I was thinking that maybe I don't so much have a "difficult child" as much as maybe my children have a "difficult mother." Maybe it's a little of both I don't know. All I know is I want to better be able to look at my children as God does and Cherish them for the gifts they are and raise my sons to be loving, Strong, leaders of homes, and my daughter to be a wife that supports her husband and children like God would have her do. Again I would love to pass this blog on to anyone that would like to read it. I don't know how to link stuff to my blog or I would post a link to her blog about raising the difficult child. I hope maybe by posting this it will help someone else at then end of the rope like it did me.
Ape